So, today I am here at home, lying in bed in total pain, just feeling sorry for myself , and yes – feeling a bit lonely cause there is no one to care for me. But this is a choice that I made – a choice to be single – to be alone.
At this moment, I feel as if I am literally broken into pieces. My back hurts – excruciating pain radiating out, in, around; my legs are swollen and painful, and to top it off my head is hurting, I can’t even think!
The result is – for someone who is always on the go – doing something – moving, I am feeling like a zombie.
I’ve taken this opportunity to reflect on life, relationship, love and I began to wonder,
“Are we as a people truly happy?”
How often do we allow ourselves to feel the pain, acknowledge it, work through the pain including doing the unthinkable of, ugly bawling?
All too often when we break apart, we rush to pick ourselves up instead of letting the pieces of our soul just sit there for a while. Can we allow ourselves to do this? Can we become acquainted with the pain? As we lay broken, can we allow the elements of our soul to have a conversation with each other?
What am I learning from my forced stay in bed? I am learning self-care. No, not just to talk about it, but I am now forced to take it. I am learning that I am allowed to be weak, to ask for help. For someone who goes to bed near to midnight and is up and out by 5 am, I am learning the importance of sleep.
Can we acknowledge that the color and the texture of our life is rent, ruined but most importantly healed and made stronger because we loved, lost, hurt. How can we use this pain that we have been through, are going through to bless our lives and the life of another?
Today, I am grateful that I can admit that I need help. Today, I am grateful that friends came when I called. Today, I reflect on the fact that I take my friends for granted even when I don’t call on them enough. I look at how I make my friends feel rejected because I don’t reach out to them for help.
I invite you to look at the broken pieces of your life. To find the beauty in each part. And then, only then begin to put yourself back together.
And yes, I have made the right choice. I am happy. This time as you pick the pieces up, know that you are mending yourself with the golden threads of beauty, knowing that this fall has made you wiser. Knowing that you are now more resilient.